My Own Private Odyssey-o
Or “Why I Know I Am Truly a Moron.”
We have just finished reading Book 9 of the Odyssey in my ancient Greek class. I rather like mythology, so it’s been a real treat. However, we’ve been reading fast enough (~100 lines/night) that it’s been a little stressful.
Herein, then, lies the story of my own mini-Odyssey, whereupon having conquered Homer far away at school over many hours throughout the day, I, attempting to return to my home, am thwarted from my goal by means of cruel misfortune and my own idiocy.
(In Greek the preceding would be about a dozen words; bow down to inflected languages.)
Tuesday night, I decided to relax a little by going for a walk. Because it is July in Texas, I changed into some clothing in which I would not mind sweating, even though it was 9 PM by the time I got home from work.
Since my roommate was getting ready to leave for Chicago the next morning, in case he needed to run out at the last minute, I took my house key off my keychain to bring with me. I then went on a nice hourlong walk around the ‘hood.
You see where this is going, don’t you? But it gets even better.
As I was in the final stretch toward the house, I thought to myself, “Now, I better remember to take my house key and put it back on my keychain.” With the roommate gone out-of-state, there would be no one who could let me into the house.
Now normally I ride to school in the mornings with my roommate, because he works on campus. It is convenient because it gets me to school about thirty minutes early every day, and I have time to get some coffee and review my homework from the night before. Also, normally I would, after class, take the bus home.
Keep in mind that I frequently go through life completely lost in my own little world, oblivious, and so I am very much a creature of routine and habit.
However, since my roommate was flying out Wednesday morning to Chicago, remember, and having gotten up too late to catch the bus, I drove myself to school that day, and I parked in the parking garage, putting my parking ticket in my pocket.
Then, after class, I took the bus home.
Nice.
Walking up my driveway (remember that I am oblivious) I did not notice then that my car was gone. I was, though, aware enough of my own idiocy to think to myself (often I am in the habit of recalling important details just before they become important enough to affect my reality negatively), “You know, self, I bet you left your house key in your walking shorts, and now you are locked out of the house.”
And I was right.
Luckily, you don’t get to be almost 30 years old without learning a few things about yourself. One of the things I know is that I am really pretty dumb, and so often I leave myself ways to save myself from myself. In this instance, I had left a window in the kitchen unlocked. Grabbing a metal folding chair, conveniently (maybe presciently) left in the yard, I removed the screen, opened the window, and (clambering in a very ungainly way) let myself into the house.
Now, overly pleased with myself, I proceeded to get ready for work, cleaning up and changing clothes. Changing clothes involved changing pants, the previous of which I had emptied the pockets. Remember, still, that I am an idiot and mostly oblivious much of the time.
Then, I went out to go to work, and discovered my driveway empty… “Oh yes, my car is still at school, parked in a parking garage.”
“Crap.”
One of the reasons I don’t ride the bus to school in the summer is that Capital Metro combines two UT shuttle routes from back-and-forth routes into circular routes, where possible. I happen to live nearest a stop that is at the beginning of the loop. This means that it takes my 10 minutes by bus to get home from campus (normally it takes 10 minutes each way, during the long semesters).
But it takes 40 minutes to get from home to campus along the entire loop. “Sigh.”
I catch a bus, and ride back along the entire route to campus. By this point, I’m ready to get the hell out of there so I can get to work. I get in my car, and reach into my pocket to get my parking ticket.
Yes, into the pockets that I had emptied at home while getting ready for work. Guess where the parking ticket is.
Thwarted a third time, I fast-talked my way to a normal day-long parking fee instead of a lost-ticket fee (3x). Finally, I was on my way from school, with all my keys intact, to work, where I would complete my labors, and then be able to go home.
That night, I blew off most of my homework, and went to bed early. Clearly 5 hours of sleep a night is not cutting it.
